Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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