I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
