Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
