Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
