whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
