I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
