I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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