Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
