last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
