Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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