Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
