He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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