dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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