He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
