Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
