you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Don't make out with my wife yet
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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