By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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