We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
