this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
