The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My ass is underappreciated
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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