You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
