i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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