I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
