Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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