i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
