what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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