so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I want her autograph on my taint
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So here I am, sexting at work.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
