I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
