I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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