eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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