We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
