i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
