weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
