I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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