I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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