I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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