How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
