Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
