U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
