Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
