got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
