So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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