Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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