So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
