Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
