there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
