Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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