I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
