just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
