Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
