my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
