smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You can't motorboat a personality
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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